Wahomes Kenya - Wahomes Journal

Edith Muthoni Kinuthia

Goodbye Mum

That smile makes you want to smile too right and brighten up your day, it has all my life. Right now Mum I need that smile, so innocent yet so mischievous, but all I have is this picture and thousands of memories, beautiful and wonderful memories. Not to brag or anything but throughout my lifetime I have been complemented on my smile, now they know where I got it from, thanks again Mum.

The last time I looked at the clock Mum it was close to 1 a.m., right now it's close to 4 a.m. I have been looking at you for a 3 hours now not feeling like doing a single thing but just to look at you Mum, and even right now I can feel your hand over my shoulder telling me "please Victor finish up" you were always so modest and I don't want to cause it will be so final, I just don't want to let go Mum. I am going to let it go, everything go but as long as I live the brightest candle in this world has been extinguished, why should I go on what is the use. I should not even say that, my siblings and possibly my father think I am suicidal, and I though I firmly proclaimed NO I am questioning that now, I just want to be with you Mum. But that is not how you raised us or raised me, and they should know that, you loved life and struggled with the most painful moments continue to live and grow.

I spoke to Dad the other day and the word "God" came out freely from his mouth and I knew right then and there you had made a difference, Mum you truly could have turned the Devil into a Saint. He sounds very strong Mum, but that is not news because he always has been and when HE spoke about God's plan for you, I nearly found religion right there, how did you do it Mum? How did you convert him? and if he is capable then who is not? I figure that God loved you as much as you loved Him and as such he needed your company by his side....how selfish though, and I can hear you Mum telling "Please Victor erase that" but I am not going to Mum, He knows what's in my heart and knows how I am feeling, He will deal with it.

A lot of people have been calling Mum, I don't know who they are but I have over 37 voice messages, I cannot bear to listen to them right now, I have been avoiding my friends and family, some are really pissed off but like I fucking care, well what can I do but shit!. I finally saw Dennis today shit what can I say but you were there. My friends Kenny & Peter has been trying so hard, you know his Mum is called Edith too and remember you meet his siblings Paul and Lisa a couple of years ago, they only have the best things to say about you....I think Peter thinks I am suicidal too, but maybe he is just concerned, well so is Sally, Faith, Kem, Lisa, and Eve, wonderful strong African women just like you Mum, but you taught me how to Love life Mum and I would never do that to myself, they know that and so do you.

I will never forget the day you told us we could call you Edith (or Eddy for special occasions), only you could be so free thinking Mum, talking to you was like talking to the closest friend in the world and yet with all the respect awarded to a perfect mother.

I thank you Mum for choosing me and the rest of this world to be a part off. I just looked at your picture again and for some reason I am smiling with tears just flowing from my eyes barely seeing the monitor. I think that is why people are concerned Mum, my emotions take over every now and then, well mostly now. Claire seems to think so and Faith too....my girlfriend....I know you would have liked her (she is really nice plus she also looks so good in pictures just like you do Mum without even trying), & Dennis too although he does not say it as much....well, Fuck that cause that is the way I am.

Dennis is really funny Mum, he is like a platypus...you know those funny aquatic mammals with bills, I think so because he is kind of torn between you and Dad. One moment he is so stoic and straightforward just like Dad then the next he is saying the funniest stuff and amusing roomfuls of people just like you did Mum...He is going to be a Dad any day now I can't wait to see this experiment. His wife Sylvie is another character but that is for another day Mum. Funny, funny Dennis.

As I type this I know they have already laid you to rest Edith and all I can say is please..please mum please come back for one more moment. I was told how you and Dad had grown so well with each other, everybody says you had accomplished so much and that is what I am so pissed off about mum, how come I did not get to experience that with you. You daughter called from Kenya and she said how is was such a celebration of your life and next to little mourning, I am so fucking jealous Mum that is why I did not want to come to this wretched country in the first place, I saw this in you so many years ago I wanted to come back so many times, so many times Mum ask anybody here. I did not want to leave you.

My head is really spinning now Mum, it could be the rum or the fact that this disease wrecks havoc when people are stressed... I am sorry I never told you about that Mum, but to what end, you had bigger things to think about, I guess I have more things in common with Dad than I thought before. PLEASE MUM PLEASE COME BACK.

Edith I have been such a weak reflection of you, but who is not. I am really faint right now, my typing has really slowed down and thoughts are coming much slower, time to finish this chapter there will be many more Mum. I will never be in Love like this again, and I know that life for you Edith is just beginning but it feels like the end on my side. Say hi Alfred for me, he has been waiting at the gates for you all this time, how lucky is he.

Victor Wahome Kinuthia
Your Son and Father