One Week Later

It's been a week now; I know they have laid your body to rest. I am still waiting for you to shake my shoulder and tell me "Wake up Vic, wake up". Things are different man, although they say the "Sun still shines", I am still not sure how true that is. I am sad, that has not changed yet. I am still speechless, without words, every time I think about things I am left totally numb, all my senses shut down.

I wish I could talk to you man, tell you how I am feeling, unfortunately that is not the way things work. I am still angry, very angry and hurt. I have vivid dreams of writing you name in the sky, fueled by the burning bodies of the people who did this to you and the people doubted you, hated and scorned you. Only the smell of their burning flesh brings me any relief.

I have a hard time letting people know how I feel, I am hurting inside beyond words can ever describe and I know I am damaged for life. I can lie to myself while in the shower; it's the only place I tell myself its water running down my face and those are not tears. I finally stopped thinking about taking my car off highway 94 at 100mph, well at least today. It's been hard driving when you cannot focus, when your eyes are filled with tears.

You should know how many people have sent their condolences, I only wish they had gotten to know you, how much richer their lives would have been. Everybody has been real nice. I only wish I could have heard from them under different circumstances. Life sometimes makes us so distant, I am still waiting for you to wake me up, and I am waiting for anyone to wake me up. So many things become clear and so many others don't, for a week now I have been able to distinguish the important from the totally useless things in my life, it's sad how I came to learn this life lesson, so very sad.

Victor Wahome Kinuthia