One Month Later

I can't believe after all this time I am still so speechless, every time I try to verbalize what I am feeling....just that;NOTHING complete and utter nothingness but pure unadulterated pain and hurt. I constantly ask myself what could you have done to possibly deserve this? What type of sin assures you such a horrible & inhumane death? What did you do that others infinitely more vile and hateful have not done?

I wonder how I am going to back into his house and praise his name, ask for blessings, pray for a better life, PRAY FOR UNDERSTANDING? How am I supposed to accomplish such a fete, it's truly beyond my reach to ever come to complete understanding...I won't even attempt it.

The truth be told Alfred I made my deal with the devil about 3 years ago. I removed any and all doubt a year later. I have firmly secured my seat in Hades and this makes me even sadder since I know we might never meet again, how am I supposed to say bye? Will they grant me that one wish? Just too many questions right now.

I honestly thought I say you the other day. I have such high expectations such hope. I lost it a long time ago. How am I not supposed to keep on wanting to see you again? How unreal is this? I have stopped smiling as much as I used to, my friends have noticed, I think a lot of them are avoiding me or is it just giving me space, I would avoid myself at this time. I don't know whether I care anymore. I don't care for anything much anymore. Who will pay Alfred and how can anything compare to what you went through.

Victor Wahome Kinuthia